So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
