this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
