my phone needs a breathalizer
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
