quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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