if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
