I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
