I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
