I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
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