I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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