just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
