mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
