walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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