After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
