for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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