Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
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