he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
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