Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
