I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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