It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
