So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
