You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Houston, we have a blender
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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