Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
