Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
