I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
