Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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