This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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