Little spoons don't ask big questions
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
