The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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