i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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