benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
