My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize