I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize