I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
