I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
