so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
