youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
