he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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