Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
