it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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