Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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