Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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