So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
