If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize