Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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