I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
