I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
sex in a hospital.. check
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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