I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
