Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
