I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
