Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
