OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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