I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
