worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
