She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize