"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
