KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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