You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
