I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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