Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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