And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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