Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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