I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Randomize
