I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
