The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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