He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
