he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
