I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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