So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
