Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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