She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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