some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
