If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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