I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He better not be in your backpack
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
