i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
