Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
