absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
