Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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