my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just high enough for therapy.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
