ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
