haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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