Will you blow on my dice?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize