Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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