thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
