I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
