Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
