Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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