it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
