No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
