My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
