I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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