Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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