dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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