This is not my ceiling
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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