Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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