i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
