Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
