Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
