Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize