You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
