The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
