Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize