How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
