Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
