I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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