Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
