He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
