It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
