Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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