i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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