If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
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