he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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