if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
