You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You've changed since you got that strap on
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
